Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Sad. I know it is apart of life but it is hard. I guess I have given up on a friend. I don't think they want me so I am not going to try anymore. Maybe my idea of trying is not hers but I am hurt and don't know where to go from here. God knows the right thing for me to do. I hope I am open to hearing it.

Old friendships are so important to me. I have clung to them for such a long time and felt that no matter how little we spoke the love was still strong. I probably hold on to the past too strong. When I was growing up I was alone a lot after my parents divorced. Just me and my mom. I felt abandoned by my family (though as an adult I understand what happened but that 7 year old inside of me is still hurt) and then when I became a christian I cut myself of from having a bunch of friends for fear of "being bad." I don't blame that on God though, it was immaturity on my part. I don't blame anything on God. He guides and leads our lives the way they need to go in order to get to Him. I can see how He orchestrated my life to be with Him. I, however, in turn abandoned Him in a lot of ways. Trying to live my life as I see fit without consulting Him with prayer or the Bible. It amazes me just how much the sin of daily life can creep in and separate you from God. He doesn't leave but this wall gets built up before you even know it.

 We are taking the Growing Kids Gods way class and it is amazing. So extremely convicting. There are some amazing Biblical principals that we want to teach our children that I am realizing are not Carved on my Heart yet. I want them carved! The preciousness of others is a major one. God loves us all and expects us to do the same. The Golden Rule is strait out of the Bible and God expects us to live by it. I see it in the little things how my life does not reflect this. I guess this could be the basis for why my friendship did not make it. I did not "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." And why I don't have the deep relationships now that I need.

I am sorry God. Sorry for not listening to and loving your Word. Please help me grow and change. Please help me teach my children to LOVE and Cherish your Word, to crave it!  

Matthew 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.