We go in for another sono today. She couldn't get good measurements last time so we go today and this time Mike can come. A little nervous. Always a little nervous this time around. There have been some losses around me in the last couple of years. Some beautiful ladies lost their beautiful bundles and it is very hard not to take on their pain and fears for this munchkin. 7 weeks and 3 days so we should get a good pic. Will post later.
Had a great day yesterday, did not cheat!!! I lost 2 pounds just from sticking with the diet. Just goes to show me that if i follow the guidance given it I will succeed. You can get advice about things all day long but if you don't pick something and go with it whole heartily it will never be successful...
Such a dirty word but, I am on a diet. A life change really. It is time or me to take control. Self control, there's a phrase for you. The bible says it in a ton of ways that we need to be Self Controlled and that self control is a fruit of the spirit. I know God has given me the ability to do this but man it is hard.
Currently I am down about 23 pounds, my goal is to lose 105 in total. A lot I know but that is where my self control has been, non existent.
Lately I have been cheating like crazy. Any carb I see I want to eat, This is a calorie restrictive diet but I can have starches and fats just in a moderate way. I, in truth, am not being deprived in any way. So, why can I just gain some self control here.
16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Is what I keep thinking of, I want to mimic this scripture but I feel like I am in such a hole right now. I feel like God is yelling at me to change every area of my life all at once and I am stuck. I think Satan is beating me down and trying to take control of who I am completely.
I know that losing weight is just the start of a larger change in character for me. If I want to keep the weight off, the lessons I learn now are essential especially if I want to pass them on to Kaitlyn.
I want to be a good daughter to God, a good wife, mother and friend.
God Is good and will not forsake me. I know a lot of what I am going through is emotional and can and will be delt with. So hear I am venting trying to get out all of my emotions and not let them control me.
There are so many times in life big lessons come about. It is good. You grow and become a better person through them, but it is hard.
My wonderful Dear Husband (DH) has joined the police academy, a scary prospect for me, I have had a very bad experience with a police officer in my past (and no I was not arrested :) ). My best friend growing up. Her dad was a very bad man and a police officer. Well, since Mike decided to join I have had to deal with that whole situation and more importantly trust that God would take care of my man and keep him safe. After much discussion I decided that he really wants to do this, he is miserable where he is at, I need to trust my DH. I do not ever want to be the wife that would not "allow" her DH to fulfill his dreams. What kind of bitterness and resentment would build up in his heart for me, I do not want to imagine.
It has been about 3 months now and it has been a tough road. He as been working so very hard but that kind of stress can take its toll on a marriage. He is a little more cranky and I, who have been very use to having him all to myself, am learning to share him with the academy and soon the whole city. Needless to say we have had more than one "bump". This last one was a duzey, I don't even remember what it was all about originally but i told, I am very ashamed to say, that "Our Marriage Sucked," you should have seen the hurt in his eyes. It was devastating. I immediately regretted it. It does not "suck" far from it. I can get sooo emotional that there is no telling what will fly out of my mouth. I spent the next 2 or 3 days apologizing and crying over it and feeling awful.
Every time I brought it up he would forgive me but eventually he got tired of me bringing it up, it was making him relive the moment. I needed to forgive myself. I needed the forgiveness of God, which I already had I just needed to allow myself to see it. The next day I wrote him a letter telling him all the reasons that I loved him which I think really did encourage him but my heart still was so very sad. I really thought it was unforgivable. That 3rd day I got a lot of advice from my sister, who is an angel sent to me from God to help me get through this life, telling me to pray and give it up to God and then to start encouraging the socks off of my DH. I also spoke with another friend that is also in the Police Academy and she helps me see what my DH is going through from a woman's perspective. That night the floodgates opened. I haven't prayed that hard and that real in a very long time. Crying out to not lose my DH, to be able to encourage him, to be able to change my heart for God, and for the needs of people I know and love.
Lets put it this way...DH and I had a GREAT weekend. We talked, we played games we just had fun together. I didn't nag him "too much" about how he was feeling, that prayer helped me let go.It wasn't a bumpless weekend but it was "perfect" for us. I know I have a lot of work to do but here goes. I want to be a changed person.
I found something on another blog called the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives" By Nancy Leigh DeMos and I have set my heart on doing it. It is day seven today and it is going GREAT...the scriptures today are... "Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease!...for riches certainly make themselves wings..." Prov. 23:4-5 "That I may cause those who love me to inherit wealth, that I may fill their treasuries." Proverbs 8:21
For the Next 23 days now I will be nothing but encouraging and positive. No matter how I am feeling. I will eventually be able to discuss all the feelings again but by the time I do I will be able to think more positively as a whole, this is forcing me to see the positive in my DH on a daily basis. For Today, basically I am not going to criticize him on $$ issues. Which is funny because I will be working on the budget tonight. Pray for me to be encouraging and loving to him. Isn't it amazing how God works...
I hope all this make sense and I look forward to sharing more as each day goes by...
If anyone wants a copy of this I will be uploading it to my blog soon.